Late night thoughts....

I should be sleeping seeing as I have to be up at like 6:30. but I have so so much on my mind. So I figured I'd blog about it. (:

I hungout with my friend Shelby today and we got to talking, probably one of the most serious talks I've had with anyone in a really really long time. We both started crying a bit. We've both been through a lot of trials and tests of our strength in the church. And even reading some of my posts from like a year ago.. The things I said, I can never take back. But I know for a fact that's not how I really think or believe. Drugs do things to a person, that I would never, ever wanna put myself through again. I hurt so many people close to me, people that really know me. & I've made a lot of mistakes in my journey to find me. But the only thing.. That is my biggest goal. That I can say I REALLY DID think about even through the drugs phase... I want.. no.. I will get married in the temple. It is the only thing I know that I want and need and will do. It's my number 1. I may mess up. I have my issues. but there is nothing in this world that will change the fact that I believe in the gospel.. with all my heart. & I will do anything, I will give up anything, I will say goodbye to anyone, if it means getting married in the temple. So these past couple weeks. I've done just that. I've distanced myself from anyone who has EVER made me second guess my faith. I deleted them from Facebook. (a small step, but it really will help not seeing their rude and hurtful comments) I moved back in with the Carlsons.. the only people in this world who really understand me without going through what I have.. They are the least judgemental people I have ever met, even though they are pretty much perfect and it seems like they would.. They dont. NOT EVER. I love them tremendesly for it. I go to church, not just go.. I listen, with all my heart. I have such a strong testimony now that if you go to church seeking answers.. with questions in your heart. Heavenly Father WILL answer them. Every time. Im lucky for the few friends I have that have shown me the gospel and have helped me when I really needed it.

I have a lot of other things on my mind. But those are just some to let out and put into "writing" (: